Please, Don't Hang Up

I had the grand opportunity of going to a wedding reception for one of my best friend's son. The whole Beck Family was in attendance and I took a trip with them back into the old neighborhood of "Aegean" and "Herring" Streets. I was taken back by the added years of reality, when in my mind I still saw "cowboys don't cry Lyle," "You Hugh," "my likie Kali" and "Nan's younger sister, Julie"...Julie has a daughter that is older than the age I see Julie in my mind. Oh, and we talked in our youth that there would be a Laurel Ellen and a Carole Jean and I finally met them. Crazy how they went from being spirit children to young mothers themselves. Then there was Brother and Sister Beck...my heart was overjoyed to be among such dear friends from such a pleasant period in my life. There are not words to express what I was witnessing, but it was beauiful just the same. I had an extremely difficult time making an exit. I was enraptured by all the tender feelings that had resurfaced.

There was the sweet smell of a spring rain in the air which only enhanced the sensations I was feeling.  I deisred to share this joy with someone who could relate and revel in the experience with me. Chelle was off to Youth Conference. So, the first thing I did when I hopped into my car, was call my father and mother. Sure enough, they were thrilled with the report. We laughed and dad encouraged and built me up. I didn't want to get off the phone and end those pleasant feelings, but Rick was calling on the other line. I wrapped things up with dad and thought to myself "do I build my son, Noah in the same manner that my parents build me? Does Noah enjoy being with me as much as I enjoy being with my parents?" All I could think about is how onry Rick and I have been with him, not because of him, but because of our current situation.

I stepped back into reality of being THE parent instead of being THE child. I phoned home. Rick was watching the game and so he handed the phone over to Noah. Noah had been kept home from school today because of a cough and cold. His little voice sounded so innocent and pure. Listening to him speak, absolutely made my heart melt. The fact that he wasn't feeling well, made me want to be with him all the more.  He talked to me about "Aliens," "Lights in the Sky," "Rain and wind," and so much more. I was enjoying being on the phone with him and didn't want him to hang up. We talked from the point of the mountain clear until Redwood Road where he said "good-bye."I wasn't ready for a "good-bye" yet...I was still in the moment. I jokingly said, "Oh, so you don't want to talk to me anymore!" The rest of the ride home was me alone with my thoughts. I wondered if that is how Heavenly Father felt. Does He love to hear my voice? Does He love to hear me talk about anything, just to hear me? Does His heart melt especially when I am needy or feeling ill? At the end of my prayers is He wishing I would not hang up just yet? Is a phonecall from my son to me, like prayer is to my Heavenly Father? I do need to talk to Him, really talk to Him, and talk to Him like I believe He is there listening and is going to respond back. I need to talk with Him the way I talked with my father only moments ago. I know He is there. I know He loves me. I know He wants to help me. I know He wants to discuss the recent issues with me. Why, knowing all I know, is it that when I kneel to pray the moment my eyes shut, my mind starts to wonder and I am filled with anxiety about not giving the respect my Heavenly Father deserves?

What I learned from Noah: Heavenly Father wants to hear my voice and I hang up way too soon.

What I learned from my father:  Talking to Heavenly Father would be a lift. He would encourage and build me in a way that only He knows how to do. Go talk to Him....and please, please don't hang up just yet.